Tuesday, August 26, 2008

What can I say?

Feeling tired and low tonight. I have friends and they have problems and although I care so very much, I just don't know what to say anymore. I want my friends to be happy, I really do but some of the behaviours that are occurring are frankly, alarming.

I am always the voice of reason and the comfort on the other end of the phone. I do it because I care and because I seem to be able to comfort people but sometimes I just don't know if it's a good idea.

Sometimes it backfires.

When my younger brother's marriage was breaking up he called me to tell me what was going on. I was desperately trying to understand what he was telling me and asked a lot of questions. I was pretty shocked by what I heard, I had no idea there were problems so I had a lot to digest. I also spoke to his wife around this time, we have always had a good relationship and I really wanted to understand better. My brother took this as a betrayal and judgment and apart from a visit at our parents where nothing was acknowledged and a poisonous email from him to me and one back from me to him, he has not spoken to me since. It's been months. I haven't seen my niece and nephew since then or spoken to my sister-in-law. I don't feel comfortable visiting the town they live in and my heart is broken. I have tried to contact him but he will not call me back. I refuse to carry on any more email correspondence because I feel like it's a bad way to communicate strong feelings. Too easy to misunderstand and once you push send you can't take it back.

I wasn't going to bring it up here but it's always on my mind and I feel like, with all this talk about my life and all the great stuff that is going on there is still a part that is broken.

Just like everybody else.

I have no soothing advice for myself.


Anonymous said...

i love you barbie mom

Ms.Barbara Jane said...

thanks mom
i love you too

Big Girl Feet said...

aww that's tough, maybe when things cool down on his end and things get settled enough in his head he'll realize you only had the best intentions in trying to understand how to help him thru it all.

bodalorna said...

I love you and wish you less sadness! Not sure who wrote this but it's a nice quote...
“Do not watch the petals fall from the rose with sadness. Know that, like life, things sometimes must fade, before they can bloom again.”

Anonymous said...

Thanks for being a great friend to me Barb, I love you, and I am so grateful that you are such a big part of my life.

I hope your brother can open his eyes soon to see how much you care about him, and how sad this misunderstanding makes you feel.

Janice oxo

Ms.Barbara Jane said...

Thanks you guys. I am so lucky to have such good friends, including my Mom. Not feeling so sad today. It helps to talk about it a little.

My Little Corner said...

oh that is unfortunate. Perhaps just speaking about it and asking others to listen to you for once will help you out.
Perhaps he's confused too, maybe keep trying to reach him, to let him know you're ready to talk when he is?
And just keep in contact with the kids, I'm sure they miss you lots and it's not their fault their in the middle of it.
Wishing you the best of luck with it. I hope it gets resolved for you soon.
(you're mom's comment makes me want to cry (in a good way) it's so sweet);-X

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