Feeling tired and low tonight. I have friends and they have problems and although I care so very much, I just don't know what to say anymore. I want my friends to be happy, I really do but some of the behaviours that are occurring are frankly, alarming.
I am always the voice of reason and the comfort on the other end of the phone. I do it because I care and because I seem to be able to comfort people but sometimes I just don't know if it's a good idea.
Sometimes it backfires.
When my younger brother's marriage was breaking up he called me to tell me what was going on. I was desperately trying to understand what he was telling me and asked a lot of questions. I was pretty shocked by what I heard, I had no idea there were problems so I had a lot to digest. I also spoke to his wife around this time, we have always had a good relationship and I really wanted to understand better. My brother took this as a betrayal and judgment and apart from a visit at our parents where nothing was acknowledged and a poisonous email from him to me and one back from me to him, he has not spoken to me since. It's been months. I haven't seen my niece and nephew since then or spoken to my sister-in-law. I don't feel comfortable visiting the town they live in and my heart is broken. I have tried to contact him but he will not call me back. I refuse to carry on any more email correspondence because I feel like it's a bad way to communicate strong feelings. Too easy to misunderstand and once you push send you can't take it back.
I wasn't going to bring it up here but it's always on my mind and I feel like, with all this talk about my life and all the great stuff that is going on there is still a part that is broken.
Just like everybody else.
I have no soothing advice for myself.